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A Series of Life Is Too Short For

Post Malone is currently playing on my Spotify playlist.

And I am not washing my brother's plate. He should wash his own dish!!

My unorganized brain has all its scattered thoughts, at this unholy hour, where I am supposed to finish my packing, urged me to write here instead. I am also comforting a friend on Messenger, waiting for an impossible reply on email, waiting for my Ramyun shin cup to be cooked. 

End Game is now playing and I am forever loving that song.

I am thinking why I still keep on hoping for a broken friendship to be in the waves again? Why am I still waiting for a reply when we both know it's impossible for her to reply? Lol at myself, I sent her messages on Instagram, Messenger, and Email. Too much, huh? I wonder if her cousin is currently reading this and they will both laugh at this stupid person who's forever hopeful of everything. 

My friends are now graduating and I'm forever proud of them. Sheenah and I just had a lovely conversation awhile ago but ended up third wheeling, which is fine because we will meet again tomorrow! Just for a picture. Yes, for a picture. 

If these unfinished artworks scattered on the garage could talk, they might have told me, "ang burara mo talaga!" or "ayusin mo naman kami!". My 15-year-old canvas just gave up on me a while ago. 

I am also thinking of Ma'am Connie, who has given us unlimited chances to comply our requirements, gave the easiest finals examination, who rather took our class picture. I remember having a conversation with her last month about my problem and her smile just made me feel I will conquer it. I wish all professors are like Ma'am Connie. If you are a professor reading this, be like her!!! *I am kidding. 

I fucked up this whole semester and I am demotivated. I'd like to think I'm better now but anxiety won't leave me alone. Talking to Sheenah via Messenger helps a lot; I know I am not alone in this sadness. 

I am also thinking of my late grandfather, who I am barely close with, why I didn't take the chance to grab my phone and type his number and talk to him at least? Everything's too fast. 

I don't how I survived this semester without being stuck. Oh, my Geo41 professor is the worst than my Algebra professor. I just wanted to pass all my subjects! 

Right now I am in the situation where I still think of my future and it's terrifying--my folks then successful and here I am, staring blankly on my laptop clueless of what to write of my resume or cv. I don't want that to happen of course, but still, the thought of not graduating on time makes me cry at any moment. You know, the feeling of graduating on time? The feeling of getting a perception that you are smart when you graduate on time? The feeling of getting a perception that you are bobo when you don't graduate on time? How come do I not know these things when I was young? I wish I knew them so I could prepare. I wish I knew that Facebook girl, whom I used to be friends with since 2013, is not really what she's trying to show outside of their home, that she is a garbage. I know, I broke off one of my resolutions this year. 

Life is too short to be afraid. Life is too short to chase garbage. Life is too short to compare yourself from the success of others. Life is too short to cry over someone who's temporary. 

Every change I am aiming has to start from myself. I need to be responsible and get a little more cautious about who am I letting in my circle and completely cross out my being hedonistic. 

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