PDF Asha Bandele Ô PDF The Prisoner's Wife: A Memoir Epub ´ The Prisoner's Ô kairafanan.co

How did a beautiful talented college student fall in love with a man serving twenty to life for murder? And why did she marry him? At a time when one in four black men are caught in the web of the criminal justice system Asha Bandele shatters the myths of prisoners' wives and tells a story of embracing the beauty of love in the ugliest circumstances and of people's ability to change to do better to grow Whether she is describing her restricted but romantic courtship with Rashid when letters were like dates like whispers on the slow blue light dance floor or riding the bus upstate with the other wives and girlfriends Asha Bandele creates haunting images and reflections so powerful and uniue that they beg to be reread and savored At the same time that she recalls the extreme ups and downs that accompany a relationship constantly scrutinized by guards and surveillance cameras she confronts her own dark secrets and sadness The love of a man with an ugly past but a firm belief in redemption is what heals her broken spirit and grants her the courage and confidence to embrace life again This is a love story extraordinary in its circumstances but universal in its message With unblinking honesty Asha Bandele writes about the tenuous balance of power upon which most relationships rest the deep needs that bring two people together the jealousy and insecurity that can drive them apart But most of all The Prisoner's Wife reminds us why we love what we give up for it and what we receive from it


10 thoughts on “The Prisoner's Wife: A Memoir

  1. says:

    By far The Prisoner’s Wife is one of the saddest and most emotionally charged books I’ve read in the least few years As I got about third of a way into asha bandele’s very introspective memoir I thought to myself this book is mainly for women But as I read on I thought this is yet another book that should be taught in classrooms across America or at least in the inner cities where so many young men and women live a daily life of hardship Few books are so seemingly honest and reflective as The Prisoner’s Wife Of course you could be just swept by the asha’s lyrical writing but you won’t Bandele provides no easy answers and no begging excuses Her story no doubt speaks for many woman dating or married to an imprisoned man they deeply love And on the surface this is a love story But for me it’s about the human condition especially in America It’s about how much we’re not control of ourselves as much as we might think It’s about those roads less taken and paying the price for it It’s about things you can’t tell other people and live emotionally through the revelations There’s plenty of summary about this book but I just want to point a couple of my reactions First off right after getting married to Rashid in their first conjugal love making in a prison trailer bandele’s gets pregnant And though you wonder why she didn’t use protection she does explain why I personally think it was seriously courageous of her not to bring the baby to term Some reviewers of the book are very indignant about her decision but this is a woman who was facing the reality of raising a child by herself when she wasn’t either emotionally or financially prepared to do so Sure it might have made the perfect little love story to have her man’s baby but that would be just story the ending of a Hollywood movie we all want to see The real story would have overlooked the challenges and the hardships of bringing another child in the world who might not gotten the love and support that he or she deservesdAs you read the book at first you might think bandele was naive and emotionally dependent on men Well part of that may be true but as you read on you realize that she was honestly dealing with the cards dealt to her She could have walked away from it all She could denied her feelings and emotions but what effect in the long run could that have had on her as a human being? No she seems to be a person who found serious love and acceptance with Rashid and she decided courageously to embrace it despite all its challenges Most of us couldn’t and wouldn’t do thatThe book was published back in 1999 and of course you wonder what has happened since then Did Rashid get paroled? I did a Google search and hardly anything came up except an Answerscom response which says that Rashid was “deported to his native guyana after a difficult INS hold; he had not been there since he was a child they were not together at the time of his release”She’s written another book about her daughter but I’m not clear if it was by Rashid Perhaps I’ll read it and find out


  2. says:

    I myself am a prisoners wife My heart is locked away in a New York prison Asha's story although very detailed and graphic portrayed the daily struggle of being married to someone incarcerated The expense the separation the long drives I identified completely with her prison experience She put in words the struggle and sadness known to few when someone decides not to abandon their loved one She pointed out the inhuman treatment of wives by correctional staff who view us merely as scum To the trailer visits that for a few short hours we can put the prison out of our mind and bond with our loved one without the prying eyes of correctional staff This is a must read for any spouse that decides to stand by their loved one When I made this choice to do this bit with my man I didn't know what it would mean to consciously hand over the control and happiness of my lifenot to my man but to an institution Asha was able to describe all this From the very beginning my man told me that I had the power in the relationship because I was the one who was freeHow am I free? What power do I have? I buy my clothes according to what is acceptable for visits At anytime I can go anywhere my heart desires but my heart's desire is trapped within that prison compound So where am I going? I stalk the mailman and won't leave the house until he comes waiting for a white envelope with that familiar handwriting that has taken the place of hugs and kisses I check the phone several times a day to make sure it's working waiting to hear it ring and see unavailable appear on the caller ID a sight that has taken the place of the sound of my doorbell or his car horn Asha put into words that the prison may control our movements yet our love blossomed I know Asha is no longer with Rashad I suspected that because of the red flags in the book I knew the relationship was not a permanent oneFor every one of us who stands by our man that can endure the bad days and savor the good there are many who can't Many just don't even try To the men whose women have chosen to move on you must always remember that there are always two sides to every story Your women might not tell you what's in their hearts but if you listen hard enough you can hear them You can hear their confusion and their fear pleading with you to understand to forgive to accept and to rememberNot every woman is strong enough to endure the bad days that the struggle brings Thank God I'm strong enough


  3. says:

    This book left me gasping for air and swimming in emotions Asha Bandeleis an incredibly gifted writer and this novel is the journey of the heart all the while struggling with her head with her friends and family and practical awareness of the bleak reality of her love and her marriage I felt as though she had ripped her beating heart right out of her chest and made me take a bite The book raises such uestions as humans have always wrestled Is love all we need? Is true love the ultimate virtue? Does the love we give and receive make every sacrifice worth it? For me I also wondered about the nature of love vs reason and wondered why some people are so willing to abandon so much of their reason and lives to experience it and I uestioned if I would ever feel so deeply and be able to give of myself so fully It is as gorgeous as it is thought provoking and Bandele is masterful a writer brutally honest and gifted This book is an indisputable masterpiece When I finished it I almost immediately retread it for I'd grown to crave that rush it gave me However after the second ride on the tsunami of feelings I knew I would never be able to read it again


  4. says:

    This is one I'd give 2 and 12 stars to if I had the option I don't think I've ever read a book written beautifully than this She has great talent when it comes to writing and that much is obvious on the very first page But I don't like her At all Not even a little bit Most of the book I was able to understand and sympathize and whatnot while there were pieces major pieces for me that really bothered me That bothered me to no end really When Bendele talked about Rashid being locked up she seemed to fault the prison Um that's what we do with murderers here If this man or any other human had killed MY son I'd want him locked up and I think there's a decent chance that if someone came along and snuffed the life from Bendele's little girl she's feel the same way Yet she wrote as if Rashid was just plucked off the street one day and charged with a murder he didn't commit He commited murder I'm don't mean to say he isn't deserving of love or anything else From what I learned of him in the book he seems like a decent guy That was kind of hard to write being that he killed someone but it's how I feel But since he did in fact take the life of another human he has to deal with the conseuences Like waiting for conjugal visits no peace and uiet in the visiting room etc I'm also willing to bet the victims mother hasn't had a bit of peace and uiet since her son was killed EVER That bothered me to know end Maybe hopefully I took it wrong but that's the way her writing seemed to me on that aspect of the book The abortionwhat to say about this As far as I know and I think I know being pro0life does NOT mean having the government decide when I start my family That's basically what Bendele said Now if she has to work through her grief and justify an abortion in her own mind that's all good and fine But I happen to be pro life and I have a daughter I chose when to get pregnant and when to start my family Not the government or anyone else for that matter I was CAREFUL until I was ready Excluding certain extreme instance where the woman has no choice in the matter there is BIRTH CONTROL Take advantage of it for God's sake So in Bendele's eyes apparently being okay with abortion is having the right to start your family when you choose The pro lifers apparently do not have this option That's a load of horseshit and I think she's smart enough to know it Maybe in her grief that's a whole other thing there she hops up on a table pregnant hops off not pregnant a little while later then actually tells Rashid that if it happens again she'll have it Freaking awesome if you ask me Um why did we just kill the baby again then Asha? I don't know For the most part she gave a great look into what it's like to stick with your man through his bid On the other hand she's not the most likable person in the world For all the people who are dying to start a fight with me about my feelings the fact that I don't like her has nothing to do with her being pro choice I have family members and friends who are pro choice I am looking forward to reading her novel and I may even read her other non fiction book the one about Nisa Not sure yet though


  5. says:

    I sat in the park reading this and by the end I was a blubbering emotional mess It's so raw emphasizing the power of love to help two people grow and fly beyond prison bars while remaining grounded in the loneliness despair and difficulties The last few pages had me sobbing because it was just too powerful You really feel it with her the slowly beginning to trust and then the hope and then the despair It just killed me The way all the prisoners would tell their wives that they would be home in one minute not two three ten fifteen But one And the way she picked that up Her paragraph of prayer to all the gods in the world can you see me? who can see me? Can you hear me who can hear me? Who's willing to come bargain with the prisoner's wife? And the way he told her If I am killed trying to get to you it would be the most noble death I could die I started crying in the beginning when he told her exactly what kind of man she deserved and then ended by saying that was him I didn't finish crying until two hours later; the tourists in the park had completely changed and I felt like my heart had been torn into a million pieces by her journey and still somehow emerged with her realization that It made me think I was blessed To want someone like that To be wanted by someone like that Basically I cannot even


  6. says:

    An interesting look at what its like to love someone in prison I always wondered how someone could love someone that long this book definitely answered some of those uestions it feels like this book needs a followup I struggled with the fact of was this love sympathy or empathy I closed this book wondering how many relationships survive when that person is released from prison I liked the reader's guide that followed the story


  7. says:

    Over the weekend Jamaica had a little hurricane scare or rather a big hurricane scare since at one point it did blow up to a Category 5 fortunately for us unfortunately for Haiti the worst was diverted and we only suffered tropical storm conditions However due to the preparation reuired for the impending storm Jamaica was essentially on lockdown for Monday This meant that I had some unexpected time in my hand and so in between studying working on an assignment and checking in with work I was able to check out a book I've had on my shelf for a while but had just never got around to reading The Prisoner's Wife by Asha Bandele Her memoir tells of her experience meeting befriending falling in love with and marrying a man who is in jail for 20 years to life on the charge of second degree murder She meets him while volunteering at the prison and they strike up a friendship which eventually blossoms into Asha’s words weave together a non traditional love story that is a reality for many Her Manhattan upbringing with it’s private schools and ballet lessons prepared her for an idyllic life however the taint of repeated sexual abuse left her scarred and traumatised Rashid trapped behind his bars was the one who helped her to find freedomFirst published in 1999 Asha expresses the challenges faced by those who have loved ones in prison the indignity they sometimes have to go through to have some semblance of normalcy Almost 20 years later Kyle Abraham worked with Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater on a three part modern dance series exploring the impact of prison on families showing that the issue is one that isn’t going anywhere The Marshall Project Asha’s words you fall in love with Rashid and their love story; a contrary feeling since we’re predisposed to hate murderers The book toys with your emotions as you read through Asha’s frank way of telling it as it is of going it on her own not because her partner wants to be absent but because he doesn’t have a choice


  8. says:

    This is the first book I’ve attempted to read in one sitting Whoa Asha Bandele is definitely a poet first and a writer second She takes us deep inside the bowels of a love storythe place we fear to bring up in daily conversations but yet know exist The unions we gossip about as we attempt to be supportive to our friends The incredible journeys that every woman is curious of taking but finds it extremely difficult to let go and let love The place in which we can experience a piece of heaven while going through hell A place only made for the strongI enjoyed the overall story told however there were times when the storyline seemed a bit scattered There were also points that were not clearly defined or pieces seemed to be missing thus the reason for four stars When younger our momma's read us stories that came euipped with princesses and love but this is not the tale of Princess Diana or Princess Kate This is a real love storyfilled with tears crime and forgiveness I found myself caught up in Rashid’s patience and Asha’s emotions The realness and stillness of each character was incredible and shows readers how everything that glitters ain't gold but sometimes we need to admire the shiny stuff This is a great read and I recommend this book to every person who believes in the audacity to love


  9. says:

    Well this was refreshingThis memoir was very honest very intense and very realistic I feel that Asha is very complex she is hard to deal with sometimes I often felt for Rashid for having to deal with prison time and her issues as well And then comes the hard part of feeling anything for this couple and their trials knowing that there is a widow suffering alone because of this man and while they complain about lack of freedom not being able to be together not being allowed to be intimate etc This widow has nothing Her life is forever changed because of Rashid's actions and Asha makes a strong case for why their story is important but my heart was stubborn Inmates don't get a lot of sympathy for me for any reason reformed or not Killing someone while your life gets to continue is something I can't make sense of Anyhow I tried to disengage from that and focus on the love story which is beautiful at times and stressful most of the time Again there were moments when I read parts aloud to my husband and we both were like this chick is so strange But there were other moments when I could appreciate her honesty her life her struggles and importantly her love for this man who is doing time behind bars


  10. says:

    When I first began this book I really wasn't impressed by the obvious poetic hyperboles that bandele was using to beat a dead horse As I continued to read the book I really began to enjoy her descriptiveness and passion which allowed me to truly hear bandele's voice Sometimes her descriptiveness was overused and overdone but she really had a way of expressing certain concepts in a new and interesting way I appreciated her honesty to tell all the grit and glam of her journey to loving an imprisoned man overcoming victimhood and becoming an acclaimed poet the world over I was left not really believing this story as some deep love epic but I appreciated its reach