read online Tell Me It's Real By T.J. Klune –

This is one of those books that will either continuously make you chortle or fasten on your countenance a broad smile In either case, you will be diverted.When Paul sees Vince for the first time, he doesn t think that something genuine and lasting might ever build between the two of them Vince is way too sexy and charming and perfect for him But Vince doesn t take no for an answer When he ends up at the hospital, having been accidentally hit by Paul s car, the latter is held entirely responsible and therefore obligated to take care of the wounded Vince got the date he dreamed of although in the most unexpected circumstances But where does that lead the two characters Will Paul finally let go of all his insecurities related to his appearance and personality and welcome Vince s love with open arms It is a rather psychological Paul being one to overanalyse and ruminate on tons of subjects, especially his complexions and dramatic read However, the humour the author clearly didn t miss to incorporate in the storyline succeeded to figuratively dissolve the over dramatic elements and leave us with a bearable quantity of it Apropos, this remark is exclusively regarding the plot The narrator Paul s abundant exaggerations, sporadic silly commentaries and frequent self pitying thoughts almost made me dislike his character At first, I empathized, then, I started rolling my eyes and, finally, decided to classify his as a drama queen and try to enjoy the novel regardless Romance or the mention of it can be found everywhere inside this story and the latter will warm your heart If it starts as insta love, it definitely doesn t continue on a sappy pathway In the contrary, the two protagonists don t magically attain the rainbows and sunshine state of mind, for they have many obstacles in front of their path leading to their happiness Drama just liked bursting in The slow pacing isn t something I minded until a good part of the story had been read I came to the conclusion that one third of Tell Me It s Real could have been obliterated Usually, I strongly complain about the fact that M M romances all normally possess an amount of pages being of approximately two hundred Which isn t much At all But it s preferable for a book to contain fewer pages and be engaging throughout than and drag.Lovely story Could have been better, but I have the feeling that, for those who prefer relatively sarcastic and theatrical main characters, this will be a four or five star read Do You Believe In Love At First Sight Paul Auster Doesn T Paul Doesn T Believe In Much At All He S Thirty, Slightly Overweight, And His Best Features Are His Acerbic Wit And The Color Commentary He Provides As Life Passes Him By His Closest Friends Are A Two Legged Dog Named Wheels And A Quasibipolar Drag Queen Named Helena Handbasket He Works A Dead End Job In A Soul Sucking Cubicle, And If His Grandmother S Homophobic Parrot Insults Him One Time, Paul Is Going To Wring Its Stupid NeckEnter Vince TaylorVince Is Everything Paul Isn T Sexy, Confident, And Dumber Than The Proverbial Box Of Rocks And For Some Reason, Vince Pursues Paul Relentlessly Vince Must Be Messing With Him, Because There Is No Way Vince Could Want Someone Like PaulBut When Paul Hits Vince With His Car In A Completely Unintentional If He Died It D Only Be Manslaughter Kind Of Way He S Forced To See Vince In A Whole New Light The Only Thing Stopping Paul From Believing In Vince Is Himself And That Is One Obstacle Paul Can T Quite Seem To Overcome But When Tragedy Strikes Vince S Family, Paul Must Put Aside Any Notions He Has About Himself And Stand Next To The Man Who Thinks He S Perfect The Way He Is Okie Dokie D Everything has been updated correctly now You ve got yer blurb, the page count still slightlywrong but hey, who gives a nut I can t wait for you all to read this Oh, and did you know apparently I ve been out of the game for a while, because DSP wasn t doing this when Who We Are came out that you can pre order the book Just follow the link and you can buy your very own copy that you can t read for another few weeks Isn t pre ordering neat This is the second book I ve read by T.J Klune and while I liked Bear, Otter and the Kid, it was too rambly and angsty for me to be very interested in the follow up But this one was supposed to be of a lighthearted comedy, so I thought I d give it a shot Klune writes in one of his blog postsI decided, in my infinite wisdom, to write a story about love at first sight, but to make it as realistic as possible Once I gave in to the idea that it could happen, I wanted to see if I could write it and have it be believable After writing ITRID Into This River I Drown , I wanted it to be lighter, funnier, sweeter though with a bite to it It needed to be snarky, and sarcastic, and outrageous and ridiculous in a good way I thought that sounded promising The second part of this book was indeed a lighthearted romcom with even some poignant moments Both Vince and Sandy s grief are well done, touching without going into melodrama Once Paul and Vince start interacting for real, the story starts to flow nicely The book was light on the tropes, which was refreshing Paul and Vince were not totally standard characters, which was also nice And yet this ended up with an abysmal star rating from me, because to get to this part of the book I had to struggle through the first 30%, which was completely off putting Too many times the sweetly funny parts were derailed by slapstick, even in the second part Like the scene where Sandy helps Paul dress for his first date with Vince That started really good funny while still making you feel for Paul and his insecurities And then it tanks when Paul steps on the dog, crashes into a wall and starts a long diatribe about selling the dog to a Taiwanese restaurant Over the top and bye bye mood.Paul Auster has only one friend, Sandy Paul tries to convince us that this is because he is shy and insecure, but as the first chapters go by it becomes clear that this is because Paul is rude and very judgmental Making fun of other people creates an easy us vs them kind of humor here, but with all the people Paul is adding to the them list, it is not surprising there are so few people left in us In the first few chapters Paul makes it clear he has issues with his doctor, his randy old nudist neighbors, ladies with spray tans, cats, chihuahuas, vaginas, the bitches who don t want to keep reading his self centered ramblings, lesbians, vegetarians, tree hugging hippies, office sluts, fratty jockish dudes, twinks, large breasts, and people named Tad or Santiago To name a select few At some point Vince tells Paul s mom how kind Paul is And all I am thinking is He is To whom Vince, the love interest, is an uneven character He is supposed to be a dumb guy with a heart of gold, but his lack of intelligence seems to be limited to not knowing the meaning of certain words He doesn t always understand what Paul is saying, but then again, Paul is reduced to inane spluttering most of the time when he talks to Vince, so that s not so strange The rest of the time he is perfectly normal Vince is dumb, because we re told he is dumb, and that is pretty much all there is to it In the first chapter Paul talks directly to the reader Not subtle, with an occasional aside to the reader, no, he tears the 4th wall down and dances on the rubble He is talking to you He is going to tell you all about himself what he looks like, what he wishes he looked liked, where he works, how he got his dog, how shy and insecure he is, all these people he doesn t like and on and on in one big rambling mess And when I say rambling mess, I mean it just keeps on going with irrelevant stuff and has dog shit and vomit and regurgitated spinach and tons of other unnecessary hilarity of the Chevy Chase kind that obscure the real humor that can be found in this book if you bother to look I ve read awkward introductions before Oh, look, there is me in the mirror, look at my brown hair and blue eyes, blah blah , but this a particularly lazy and clunky introduction to a character Paul breaks the 4th wall to get the reader on his side This is us vs them after all and we re supposed to be on Paul s side Just like toddlers yell the Spanish word for jump at the tv when Dora the Explorer tells them to, so are we supposed to yell bitches at those losers who do not like this book when Paul tells us to Because we are Team Paul But, personally, I don t want to be on Team Judgy McJudgerson I am not an aging, overweight, large breasted vegetarian hippie butch lesbian or anything, but that doesn t mean I want to point my finger at them and laugh.What makes me really, really want to get the hell off Team Paul, though, is how every time he does something reprehensible, he dubs that being a vagina As inbut he was now waking up in Bear Dude s bed, all because I was a gigantic vaginaAndthe idea of carpet munching kinda grossed me out because vaginas have folds than a pile of laundry BlarghAdd similar references to labia, ovulating, uteri, menstruating ghosts and tampon strings and I seem to have misplaced my sense of humor somewhere I completely understand that gay guys have no use for vaginas and probably find them kind of gross And if Klune says that it is a common derogatory term in the gay world, I ll even buy that Just because none of my gay friends are suicidal enough to say such things around me doesn t mean they don t talk shit when there are no women around Just like straight guys, really However, I am sure Klune is aware that roughly 80% of his readers are women I can t be the only one not finding this funny.Let s say you re a gay guy and you re reading a book about straight guys, written by a straight guy You know, like the majority of the books out there Say the straight main character does something stupid and then thinks to himself I can t believe I missed that field goal, I am such a worthless filthy faggot Potentially funny the first time, maybe The 10th time he says something similar Really not so much Does it matter at that point that it s the character saying that and not the author In this case, when the character doesn t repent his homophobia misogyny at the end, or isn t even aware of it, and the character himself is a bit of an author insert gay Arizona insurance employee and maybe would be romance novelist , I m going to go with no, it doesn t matter who says it Besides the misogyny, every person of color in this book is a stereotype Sassy Black Nurse is sassy, Sexually Aggressive Latino Waiter is sexually aggressive and Jennifer Lopez insists on talking about her vagina Yes, Jennifer Lopez is a bike shop assistant here Paul Auster, outside of this book, is of course a fairly well known novelist, Vince Taylor was a British rock star and is a professional body builder, Helena Handbasket is Chandler Bing s dad on Friends as played by Kathleen Turner and even the Sassy Black Nurse makes an appearance on Family Guy Pop culture trivia, anyone On the other hand, the editing was really wonderful No typos, homonyms, repeated phrases, etc Really excellent job Hahaha Gotcha Not really The editing was bad Besides all fore mentioned issues, Sandy comes out to his parents a year after they die and Paul apparently keeps corduroy pants from when he is 10 years old If you think it s funny what I just did there with the gotcha, you might actually like the last chapter If not, you ll probably groan and roll your eyes, like me To recap If Paul was less judgmental and likable and had quit yammering if the misogyny, the racial stereotypes, all the slapstick and almost every single scene that features the dog had been taken out, this would have been a funny lighthearted romantic comedy that would have been well worth reading As it is not for me. I do this with a heavy heart, because I know everybody loves this book But there were so many jokes here, so many damn asides, and so much random rambling that I could barely get through this missive without an anxiety attack There were funny parts, sure, but the sheer volume and redundancy and nearly hysterical pitch of Paul s inner monologue strangled me Paul was insecure But he was also a shithead Where was the steam There was the one scene You know the one where Paul tripped on a shoe and his face bounced off the bed Hot no, not really And since when is vagina the root of all evil Look, I love me some cock, yeah But we don t need to dis the vagina it serves a purpose What did labia ever do to deserve this The first part of last chapter was all kinds of bullshit What was the point of THAT ridiculous story It was a JOKE I know But was it necessary Please, let s put that fourth wall back up where it belongs. 5 StarsAt this point, I shouldn t be surprised by how much I connect with Klune s stories or by how much I find myself loving his highly memorable characters Much like with my experiences reading Klune s fantasy epic Tales From Verania series, and also his heart warming and emotionally charged Bear, Otter, and the Kid series, I found myself enjoying countless elements of Klune s remarkable storytelling this time around, too.Once again, his characters were all highly lovable and impressively fleshed out, and the romance that unfolded between MCs Paul and Vince was sweet as pie and pure perfection in my eyes Further, the humour was bang on point again and again and again from start to finish This wasn t just funny, it was laugh until you almost pee your pants funny And those sneaky Klune specific feels bombs as I call them were intricately located and set off at moments of maximum emotional impact throughout this otherwise good natured and hilarious story.Honestly, everything about this story worked for me, with the small exception of the cover art because in what world is that dude on the right Vince Seriously I don t see it, like, at all But if my biggest complaint here is about the wrongly cast cover models then things are generally looking real good from what I m sitting.At the end of the day, the humour in this story may not appeal to everyone as is evident from some of the reviews , but what might not work for others always seems to work wonders for me where Klune is concerned, and I m beyond grateful for that positive personal reaction I m not exaggerating when I say that from the moment I opened this book until the moment I turned the final page I was held captive in a happy mood Making someone laugh as much as this book made me laugh is such a rare and welcomed experience, and one that isn t the easiest reaction to accomplish by any means Over the last few years, Klune really has cemented himself among my favourite authors, and I continue to feel giddy with anticipation at the prospect of reading all his stories, whether I ve missed some along the way or just ones I wish to re read, or simply those which haven t been told yet whatever the case, I m 100% in. Look at this book cover LOOK AT IT You have to wonder what the hell anyone involved was thinking Just how why Was it Crack Friday like casual Fridays at work, but with crack That s the only reasonable explanation See It happens More often than you would think I hear it s refreshing.You know what would have been better than this book cover Anything Anything at all.Maybe even just a plain cover with the title typed in 12 point New Times Roman font Double spaced You can never go wrong with that College has taught me that Never doubt the power of 12 pt New Times Roman I have straight A s.Okay, so crack cover or not, this book is hilarious TJ Klune is hilarious His The Lightning Struck Heart had me laughing my ass off, and this one did too I am ass less now It looks good on me.Thank goodness my mom jeans have an elastic waist because my ass can t hold those things up any Too much LMAO s.It is also a super gay book Like, it needs a cape or something with how super it is And, a cape might help this book cover So, if you don t like super gayness If it s your kryptonite, then you better stay far away Maybe cover yourself in lead paint It s for the best, really For all of us Not you, of course, but for the rest of us.Hands up on who wishes the Boomers would just die already wow, that s a lot of hands Keep wishing, guys They can t possibly last that much longer We can win this thing.This is an epic romance between a slightly, and by that I mean VERY, awkward and self conscious gay man and a homo jock The homo jock is so epic that our awkward hero thinks that he must be Freddy Prinze Junioring him But, he s not It s real And awesome.There is also the most supportive family of a gay man ever, a best friend drag queen, a nana, and a homophobic parrot.What can you ask for Paul s a little crazy Vince is a little simple Sandy Helena are a whole lot twisted And Johnny Depp needs to be deep fried at times But the whole story, start to finish, is fuckloads of awesome If it doesn t make you laugh, then you simply have no soul and need to get the hell over yourself.Highly recommended.NOTE If you loved this book, then chances are you ll really love TJ s new book, The Lightning Struck Heart, which is even over the top humor wise than this book I laughed on every single one of its insane 400 pages. I loved this book the first time I read it almost five years ago.I loved it the second time I read it in 2016 I LOVED the audio version that I just finished I LOVE THIS BOOK.This book is my comfort read It s funny, it s ridiculous, it s charming it s just a feel good book for me As my tastes have changed over the years, I haven t seemed to move on from this story and these characters The narration was simply spot on I can t imagine anyone else other than Michael Lesley reading this story I think I m going to have to shell out for audios in this series because when I need a pick me up, this series is here to comfort me, and the audio is just one way to get my fix Check out my previous review of this book here This gets 5 stars because it make me LAUGH Like so hard In places you shouldn t laugh out loud, like public That and it s one of the best books I ve read in a long time.TJ Klune is an author I have come to love and reading of his work just showed me what a talented author he is He can write funny, he can write serious, he can write steamy He just never fails to disappoint Next time I am in a massive book slump again, I am turning to his books for help.Tell Me It s Real has possibly one of the worst book covers ever, which is why I ve waited so long to read it But this is one of those books where you have to look past the awful cover to get to the amazing inside of the book Paul is a husky guy, insecure and settled in his life Until he meets the stunningly beautiful Vince who is interested in Paul right away Except Paul thinks Vince is playing a joke on him, never thinking Vince could be actually interested Loved this book, obviously from my 5 star rating Again, it had me laughing out loud in public, a rare feat for me as I try to remain stoic when reading I highly recommend this book Follow me on Facebook Blog Instagram Twitter