PDF kairafanan.co ß The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build

Today only 34% of African American children are raised in two parent households compared to 85% in 1966 In this book Hill Harper examines the roots of breakdown in black families considering the importance of current sexual stereotypes in black American culture


10 thoughts on “The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships

  1. says:

    I was perusing the bargain books today and had two classics in my hand The Secret Garden and Sherlock HolmesThe first 12 original stories Both for 299 a piece When I came across this one I read the back cover and uickly put the other 2 back as I am 1cheap and 2coming to the end of my weekly spend money Dang budget rules Now as you can see by my profile pic I am as pasty white as they come so why pick up a book about Black relationships? I'll tell you lol My husband and I volunteer at a men's prison teaching Identity under the guise of an addictions recovery program One thing we hear A LOT is well it's a cultural thingdifference in reference to relationship conversations I have been doing this for a little over 2 years now and about 98% of the guys in my class are Black So obviously there is a barrier there where I will never understand some things and vice versa I LOVE THAT I picked this book up to help it make sense to me and I got so much out of this book This book helped me understand the stereo types that plague the men in my class I love the men in my class They work their way into my heart and I want to see EACH of them succeed and have successful happy healthy and FREE lives We have some raw conversations and of course disagreements but what I love is at the end of class they can still shake my hand and say thank you for coming Miss Amy This night is THE highlight of my week This book helped give me the inside scoop if you will into grasping how different yet truly alike we really are It helped me to see how I have been wrong as well This book made me look at myself and see how what I thought was a cop out was of an ingrained mindset I'll be honest there were a few parts that kind of hurt my feelings as a white woman when the women being interviewed shared how they viewed us But I also am confident in who I am and WHOSE I am; so I uickly processed those feelings and moved on I was raised to love everyone regardless of color status in society etc I think Black people are beautiful just as I think Latino Asian White etc are beautiful I have never been able to grasp why skin color has ever been an issue But the reality is as I have begun to find out through pointed conversations that my mindset is somewhat rare This is the longest review I have ever given LOL but this book meant so much to me because it helps me understand the men I am helping to lead I can't wait to look through different eyes next Tuesday when I sit in my classroom and interact with my boys Thank you Hill Harper for taking the time to ask the tough uestions of your race and begin to help them rise above what the world has told them they can be To help them become who God created them to be Men of character who lead their families with love and convictionI'll shut up now Thanks again


  2. says:

    Hill Harper's new book The Conversation should be the last book written about black relationshipsIt covers all of the topics the discussions and the tools needed for readers to move forward in this area no longer held back by historical social and cultural restrictions perceived or actualReleased in September of 2009 Harper's third book focuses on How Black Men and Women can Build Loving Trusting Relationships and has the potential to be the definitive word on black loveUsing personal experiences candid interviews and discussions with his friends and associates and modern references like the Obamas the dangers of 'technological' communication and even Steve Harvey's recent relationship book Harper presents a relevant and timely discussion on the breakdown of African American relationshipsHis purpose to encourage conversation to present various perspectives and to encourage black men and women to work towards building a legacy of family and tradition rather than publicly and personally destroying the bonds between one anotherSome of the enlightening chapters include•What We Say Mean and Do•What Brothers Want•Will Mr Right Please Stand Up?•Checking Baggage•Eros Vs SexLust Vs Love Some women think men should read their minds and decipher what they really mean Alternatively they give the answer society or their mother told them was the proper answer though it may not be their truth at allFor women the issue of finding a healthy balance between all that is expected of her can be a tiring lifelong uest•Cheating•Dating With Kids•Anger Forgiveness and Learning to Let Go•Man Up We as Black men rarely hold other men accountable when we clearly see that they are not living up to their responsibilities with the women they are dating or married to and even worse with the children they have fatheredThis book is great because it echoes the current concerns of men and women from a variety of circumstances While there are universal truths that can be applied to relationships of any race the historical and specific references to African American issues is encouraging Harper understands the issues and is able to address them directly As his friend Brad states in the bookI think the Black family has been shredded for a couple reasons The last forty years have been filled with fatherless households and women struggling to take care of their children As a young girl if your mother who probably resents your father for not being there continuously tells you You don't need a man for anything Provide for yourself Take care of yourself Look at meI'm doing it and we are fine at some point that girl will begin to believe this Then that same young girl probably will not have the luxury of seeing her mom have a healthy relationship with a man So how is she supposed to know how to interact with men? On the flip side in these same households most young Black boys don't have male figures to teach them how to be men or how to treat women What happens when this young girl and this young boy meet up when they are grown? Exactly what is going on nowyou have two people who don't know how to deal with each other pg 57 58At the age of 43 Harper's career in the entertainment business has allowed readers to grow and trust the familiar face that has appeared on classic Spike Lee movies Get on the Bus 96 and He Got Game 98 and as well as other favourites In Too Deep 99 and Lackawanna Blues 05 His television work has ranged from appearances on Married With Children and The Sopranos to his current role as Dr Sheldon Hawkes on CSI NYHarper has received recognition from the NAACP Image Awards as Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series for CSI NY in both 2008 and 2009His strengths as an actor are numerous but his academic background and achievements in writing foreshadow the contributions we can expect to see Harper make in popular culture academia and maybe even politcs one dayThe son of a psychiatrist father and anesthesiologist mother Harper has a BA from Brown University a JD from Harvard Law School as well as a Master of Public Adminstration from Harvard's Kennedy School of Government Just this year he was awarded an Honorary Doctorate from Westfield State CollegeHill Harper has been dedicated to uplifting and educating young people as evidenced by his previous books American Library Association award winning Letters to a Young Brother MANifest Your Destiny and New York Times bestseller Letters to a Young Sister DeFINE Your DestinyHe has a gift for communicating relevant powerful and progressive messages through his texts We can expect to see of this brother in the future; he is well euipped and on his way to becoming one of the great black minds of this generation


  3. says:

    I have to give Hill Harper props for at least attempting to tackle this subject Black female and male relationships will have you writing volumes that could make Encyclopedia Brittanica jealous He gets an A for effort but I really didnt learn anything groundbreaking from The Conversation Yes marriage is hard but rewarding work Yes women and men communicate differently which can cause alot of problems Yes some Black women need to lighten up smile and laugh which will produce a particular type of energy that will attract the opposite sex Yes some Black men need to be responsible and accountable and need to be checked about their mistakes Yadda yadda blah blah blahmuch of it was common sense I was surprised however to read of Black women who say they either exclusively date outside of the race or they have never felt beautiful or comfortable in their skin than when they were involved with men who were not Black Now that was eye openingAlso Hill's own supposed relationship caused my eyebrow to raise a time or two Am I the only one who thought Nichole was a figment of his imagination or possibly a composite of a few of his past female partners? Something just didnt add up about her to me And leaving her out of the thank you's in the back of the book led to me uestioning this relationship even I took away from the book that friendship communication and determination are the key to long lasting relationships Even though I already knew that Harper still created a dialogue that my bookclub was able to follow for our own discussion of relationships and I thank him for that


  4. says:

    Harper’s Conversation is harmless I am exhaling I can’t remember what it was but I felt like there was something in the Essence review that made me not want to read it Then people was all in my ear about The Conversation and since I’m trying to be a relationship researcher and all I figured I should turn my attention to it It definitely wasn’t a waste of time but I’m not going to be re reading Besides knowing about Harper’s relationships it wasn’t super informative The only conversation that happens between men and women occurs near the end of the book and left me wondering who are these people? I appreciate Harper’s vulnerability It was refreshing to read I also am thrilled that there are no hints of patriarchal control or sexism in the book He doesn’t attempt to speak for women or talk at women about how to make men happy That’s what I mean by it being a “safe” book He even calls out black men for not holding each other accountable I get grief when I tell men it’s up to men to make the world a better place for women by keeping other men in check but maybe if they hear it from a man The book is well structured and easy to read I really can’t say anything bad about it I was surprised to hear of how many black women hate all black men and how many black men hate all black women Maybe I’ve been isolated but my people don’t talk like that Neither my male nor female friends stereotype the race in that way which makes me wonder if those stereotypes are class issues? The one aspect of the book that made me uncomfortable were the implicit class arguments Harper throws the lavish parties and eats all this great food and tells black people to be financially responsible I kept thinking it must be nice to live like that to have friends like that to travel like that to spend money like that My arguments will be in print soon but I believe economics are the single most affective factor in black relationships Black people in different class brackets are forced to make different decisions about relationships because of how much money they make How many black men avoid relationships because they can’t afford them? How many women force themselves to fall in love with a man who can afford her? How many women stay in abusive situations for economic reasons? How many black folks can’t communicate across class boundaries? It not just about how you spend money but how you deal with not having money The economic crisis is about to have a significant effect on relationships People aren’t marrying because they can’t afford it People aren’t divorcing because they can’t afford it Because black people have always had tenuous issues with money we used to be bred to make white people money recessions effect us not only in new ways but worse ones Granted that’s a downer Some people like to read about how the other half live Honestly I was resentful I wanted to know why it was so important to Harper to let us know that he can hire a chef and buy the best wines for his friends Maybe he was just being honest about his life and didn’t consider how folks who have consistently had less would feel He wanted us to know about the struggles he had to overcome to achieve his loving relationship but it’s almost beyond the pale of possibility when contextualized by his lavish lifestyle His life including his relationship read like a fairy tale


  5. says:

    This is an excellent book and should be in the personal library of every African American Mr Harper explores how malefemale relationships among African American have devolved into its chaotic and inoperable state as well as what we need to do to restore the cornerstone of our community the black family A very interesting read which is as much of a personal journey for the reader as it was for Mr Harper I highly recommend


  6. says:

    Interesting ReadLove the much needed conversation between men and women


  7. says:

    Every Black man and women should read this book


  8. says:

    A very good book dealing with Black relationships in our modern world


  9. says:

    I enjoyed this reading this book I appreciate Hill Harper for putting his feeling out there It was refreshing to see him put his own misgiving about relationships in the book I don't think he was trying to come off as a relationship expert I think he put many truths out there The one thing we hate is truth as much as we say we want to hear it He gave an interesting prospective from a black man's point It still amazes me to see how we are uick to judge and criticize when the truth is hitting us in the face It never hurts to take a look at yourself in mirror and I think Hill Harper hit us with some reality checks that we sometimes forget as well showing us the hard truth about himself Relationships are hard something we all know to be fact so reading this book just gives another perspective to think about Hill talked about the black family the conversations we do have with each other and the ones we don't have; especially those that have to do status in life single parenting divorced couples single men and women Men and women communicate differently and that's not always a bad thing I think we just have to bring those differences together Yes easier said than done but communication is a great place to start It was easy to read and flowed pretty well I applaud Hill Harper for being open despite the criticism


  10. says:

    I enjoyed this book and I applaud Hill for endeavoring to start the conversation about a very complex issueThe dynamics of male female relationships has always intrigued me Particularly among African Americans the complexities are varied and rooted specifically in this country in a very tumultuous history And I agree with Hill in his thinking that the underlying causes for all the confusion insecurities uncertainties selfishness and misunderstandings are based in fear – fear of rejection vulnerabilities and change I think it behooves us to tackle these issues It would be really great to participate in a non confrontational forum that allows for up close personal enlightenment; much like the at home one that Hill hosted It almost seemed too good to be true that he was able to get these individuals to attend and disclose in such a vulnerable way I think it would be useful as a movie in that it would grant mass consumption and bring the conversation to the forefront where it needs to be Unfortunately not as many people are visiting bookstores and libraries as would a movie theater Conseuently they could potentially miss out on being a part of a conversation that they’ve probably had with themselves certainly have had with their same sex friends but need to have with the opposite sex as well